My Psychology of Resource Management
What do I mean by resource management?
I mean, the resources you would need to stay happy and healthy– things like adequate food, water, warmth and proper cooling. This can extend to emotional stability and comfort, but for the purpose of this article, I am only referring to the physical needs.
I have always approached resource management as something not worth worrying about unless it was really serious. Maybe it is because I grew up in a family where my needs were often top priority. Maybe it is because I grew up hearing stories of my dad dumpster diving and eating roadkill that I never considered food insecurity to be a real threat. It is extremely easy to never think of a lack of access to food, water, and a comfortable environment when you are living in an apartment in a populated area. I always had more than I really needed.
Although this feeling is privileged, bordering on entitled, being on the road has created a feeling of desperation: a feeling that I do not have what I need or a feeling that I may not have what I need in the future. In the vast majority of situations, this panic is completely and utterly unwarranted. Max and I have never gotten close to not having enough food or being out of housing options. We have always had some choice to make and we have never been actually out of options. However, moving from a life devoid of scarcity, to a life that plays on the border of scarcity has changed my mindset quite a lot. My initial reaction was to feel panic. As I reflect on these unpleasant reactions, I have become more aware of them as an emotional response to a hypothetical reality. Grounding myself in my environment helps: walking around, taking stock of the food in our pantry or the distance to the nearest grocery store, talking with locals in the area, or meditating.
As I've watched myself react to these new feelings and situations, I note a few remarkable changes to my behavior and thought patterns. Most prominently, I have become more conservative in my use of resources. Between the two of us, Max has always been the more frugal. I have often rejected his economical thinking because I believed that this restrictive attitude would also restrict life's potential for joy. Simultaneously, I have also always admired Max's tendency toward non-indulgent behaviors. Somehow, I always felt that kind of militant parsimonious behavior was out of my reach due to a lack of self-discipline. I have been delighted to find that in a situation where it is demanded (van-living), I am driven to be frugal in a natural and self-motivated way!
Conversely, I've discovered that there are still some frivolous things which I thoroughly enjoy and value even in this newer frugal mindset. I love to get an expensive coffee, or buy a fancy chocolate bar for a late night snack. What this proves to me is that my enjoyment of those things is honest and rooted in the experience, rather than enjoying those things for the price or luxury of it.
This adventure has inevitably brought us closer to the tides of nature and our needs. In our modern world, it is easy to forget that nature is not built to suit our specific needs and it will not fulfill your exacting requirements at all times. The natural ebb and flow includes times of abundance and times of scarcity. The winter is cold and the summer is hot and when you live in a van without heat or AC, you are just a little bit closer to understanding that you have to endure these seasons, you don't get to alter them. Whether it is a natural human response to want to devise ways to circumvent nature's extremes or if it is a result of growing up in a modern environment where our every need can be instantly gratified, I am constantly battling the urge to change my environment and even battling fantasies of changing nature itself to suit my particular set of needs. The imagination can come up with quite the array of impossible realities and unusual solutions when you are feeling uncomfortable. It has been my practice to let go of the panicky feeling and to try not to enforce my desires onto the environment when it is unnecessary. Planning ahead and being realistic about what our actual necessities are has helped in this endeavor. Nevertheless, I am still very much looking forward to the day when we will live in a modern home with a refrigerator and climate control!
